How'd I Do Last Year?

Before getting into my new resolutions, let's take a look at my progress on last years' resolutions:

• 2025-07-22: Do A V7 Boulder

This was an extremely soft V7, so under most circumstances it should not have counted, but I did it anyways!

I haven't updated my resolution for bouldering because V8s are still very far out of my wheelhouse; I'm more comfortable doing V5s than last year, but I'm still having to cut my teeth on real V6s before I can truly say I've done a V7. Climbing is mainly a social activity, so I'll be doing it regularly regardless.

• Update My Wardrobe

Had to carry this one forward 😔

Fortunately, I have more concrete plans to achieve it this time around, with one thrift store tour already scheduled & another in the works. I don't yet feel comfortable going out in public in feminine clothes (which isn't helped by the fact I don't have any lol), let alone shopping for them, so having a group with me will be helpful. Hopefully getting some good outfits & having more occasions to wear them will change that.

• Run a Half-Marathon (again)

Nope 😔

I have dialed in exactly what's been causing my headaches fortunately, but while "don't have allergic reactions" (solved w/ Flonase OTC nasal spray) & "don't become overly stressed" (solved by not doing that lol) are manageable, "don't jostle the head around for long periods" is most exacerbated by running. I've tried light jogs at various points in time, all with the same result. I am fairly sure it's the movement instead of the cardio because intense stationary bike is just fine.

It sucks to give up on this, because I loved running so much, but at least I've found other ways to get exercise.

• blog more
  • more HN frontpages 😎

Somewhat of a success!! I did not blog nearly enough for my own liking, though I did get a Typescript post to HN front page (don't look at the comments, I made that mistake). I don't really use HN tho, preferring to browse & participate in the lobste.rs community instead. HN is only notable for the amount of traffic it drives & re-aggregation that happens as a result.

• go out more
  • take more photos
  • make new friends
  • hang out with current friends more

Triple check!! Again, still have room for improvement here, but I did do all of these things. Not really a resolution w/ a deadline, more of a standing attitude.

• get better at Japanese
  • level up a lot more in WaniKani (Japanese kanji learning app)
  • catch up with Yotsuba&! in Japanese

DNF 😔 and no plans to continue it, because I have other things in mind. Good thing that WaniKani had a lifelong purchase option lol.

Resolutions for This Year

When choosing these, I stuck to the criteria "what would be really frustrating if I hadn't achieved by next year?"

Job

I am not super enthusiastic about my current job. Granted, by almost much any metric, I have it pretty darn good! Coworkers are great, pay/benefits are great, no complaints about how I'm treated. I do feel a little "stuck", tho, like I'm not working on significantly harder problems than when I first joined, despite theoretically having a lot more knowledge about how our systems work. I am the "go-to" when it comes to debugging some of these systems, which feels nice, but at a certain point debugging stops being exciting and is more "oh boy here i go fixing kludges again"¹.

idk maybe it's just an ego thing & i need to check myself. But it really does feel like I'm not able to give a representative amount of effort compared to what I'm capable of, because I'm not excited by anything anymore. The company's direction is not my preferred direction as of late, especially compared to how it was early on. So I think it's time to look for greener pastures—after checking both sides of the fence to make sure the grass is truly greener ofc.

Wardrobe

Yeah!!! hashtag fempilled hashtag girlmaxxing. See previous section.

HRT

Similar to the job, it also feels like growth here has stalled. In some sense, stability here is good, don't want wild mood swings or crazy levels or anything. On the other hand, while smooth skin & small breasts r excellent additions, i would prefer "medium" or even "large" versions of the latter if at all possible. to fill out potential outfits ofc.

Genetics are likely not in my favor but hey we'll see. Everything I've read says injections are better than sublingual pills anyway, and while reviews of prog are mixed it's worth a shot at least I think. Current doctor doesn't want to change anything about my regimen so, uh, should do something about that first.

Rapid Fire Other Goals

Less important than the main goals, but still quite nice to work towards:

• Better At Art
  • I'm trying Drawabox again, seems better than last time I tried 4 years ago, we'll see how long it sticks tho. You'll know when I fall off updating this Bluesky thread of beginner doodles
• Invite Friends To Things
  • I am very good at saying "yes" when invited (mostly because I don't have a whole lot going on anyways), but no so much on the organizing front. This should change, because I always feel great when I get invited so time to pay that forward.
• Blogggggg
  • I have a few projects that are in a perpetual unfinished state so I'd like to get those out and also maybe develop a better cadence than "once every 3 months or more".
  • Still going to keep up the album posts tho, it's a great forcing function to listen to more new albums.

Anyways!! 2025 sure was a year huh. Only caught COVID once (proximate to the three times in 2024), went on trips with friends multiple times, so despite the rockiness in the world at large, it was an alright year all things considered. Reading some end-of-year accounts from others, I'd even go as far as to say I had a great year, and for that I am extremely grateful.

2026 has already started rocky in the large, but I'll do my best to not let that distract me from thriving. Here's hoping that your year will be on the up-&-up too.

And remember: EGGBUG LOVES YOU!!!

It's a fun one!

I do think this one counts as a real V7. It is a strength + flexibility test V7, but I can pass that test, so yeah let's go!!! feels good to keep a resolution :)

This red one. Something about slopers where it pays to be flexible, & this corner, just clicks for me.

It's been a while since my last V6. I blame the holiday season. Fun to get back into it tho, I am still improving, and this did not feel like a fluke. Have my eye on a V7 but seems like it requires a lot more grip strength than I have at the moment... That is what I like in a climb, lots of big slopers that challenge ur balance & positioning instead.

Fun gym, got a good group of friends there by now, here's to keeping my resolution!

Wow, I haven't blogged since last year! :P

Bit late on this one; Visited family for Christmas, friends of New Years, and going on a work trip tomorrow, so I've been keeping busy. Still feel like I should keep up this tradition, because they are good milestones and a time for me to remember Cohost (R.I.P. eggbug you will live on in our hearts). Below are some explanations of why I chose these goals for 2025:

Bouldering

Quite recently, I did my first V6 boulder, and have felt pretty confident tackling other hard V5s and easy V6s, so I think a V7 next year is very doable. I climb with friends every week as my main form of irl socialization, so this resolution is less "make a new routine" and more "stick to a current routine and maybe improve on it". Not too much else to say about this one, I just love climbing!

Clothing

Over the last year, as I've become more comfortable with myself being trans (finally out to core family!!), I've become painfully aware of how boymode-ed my closet is. I do not have a single dress, or skirt, or stocking, or pair of leggings, or even just a cool jacket. In total, I have:

• yoga pants (purchased during the exciting first months of transition)
• sports bras (purchased later when breasts started to come in)
• that's it that's the entire list

Now don't get me wrong, I rock the t-shirt+jeans & athleisure fits quite well. But to have nothing feels a bit wrong. I want something better to wear, if not out in the world at large, then at least to the cool transgender parties. Target is 1-3 items.

Running

I got COVID three times last year. That sucked big-time, because for 1/4 of the year I was doing nothing except bedrotting. It sucks even more because, after each round, I've been left with an increasingly worse lingering symptom: headaches. Fortunately, it's not a constant pain like it was more acutely to the infection, but basically any other headache I would otherwise get (stress, dehydration, etc.) is multiplied by 3. I am taken out if I don't carefully manage those.

However, after this last round, there's been an even worse outcome: I can't run anymore without getting a headache. Short jogs are fine, but as soon as I break 2 miles it gets pretty bad. Potentially a side-effect of a dehydration headache, and my slowness is potentially a result of not doing it for so long (and not because of anything more wrong, here's hoping!). Earlier, when I couldn't even go for walks without this happening, I was very very scared for my future. I count myself lucky that these symptoms are getting better over time at all.

So! This goal is actually 2 distinct goals hidden in a trench-coat: resolve the COVID symptoms preventing me from running, and then actually start running enough again to do a half-marathon. This is my most ambitious goal of the year, because I do not entirely control the first part of the process, but it's also my most desired one.

Other Various New Year Wishes

• blog more
  • more HN frontpages 😎
• go out more
  • take more photos
  • make new friends
  • hang out with current friends more
• get better at Japanese
  • level up a lot more in WaniKani (Japanese kanji learning app)
  • catch up with Yotsuba&! in Japanese

Happy New Years, hope y'all have a good one too!!

this orange one. I got the start pretty easy once I saw someone do it, the trick on the leap is to actually go closer to the wall since that's better, and then the top is just getting the right leg up into a knee bar & sitting on it. Fairly short all things considered, def on the easier side of V6es, but still, I did it!!

I've also done a few more V5s since my posts on Cohost, but after doing three there's less cause for celebration on each. There are two more V5s in this gym that are solidly in-reach for me, just need to stick the endings.

Also, there was this really cool blue V6 on this same wall from the set before the orange:

which was a great workout. I really liked the moves for it & almost completed it, but the end was always too scary after the exhausting middle. Fortunately, whoever sets this wall still tends to set climbs in my style, so I got one in the end anyways :)

my final chost

save the world. love each other. love yourself. miss you, see you again, goodbye

AWOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

yeah :'((((((

in other news, this blog has "proper" tag support now, and my post editor works better on mobile (fixed the font size). still need to move earth on the rest of the blog styling, but that's enough for now, gnite.

It's all to easy to, with today's software ecosystem, just use things written by other people. In some senses, this is a great success; software today is more accessible and does more things than it's ever done. However, too much of this software is controlled by big corporations without your interests in mind. And even for software developed by smaller teams, the pace of change is too much to keep up with. A seemingly never-ending cycle of updates always keeps you on your toes, wondering when the rug will get pulled out under your feet next.

Changing this requires changing how we interact with computers. Companies want you to view computers as tools for you to consume "content", for you to rely on for everything, for them to push advertisements, for them to collect all your data. I reject this. Computers are tools for creating things. Computers are tools for sending silly messages to your friends and hearing them laugh. You can make computers do anything you set your mind to, because computers are programmable, and the world-wide-web is as wide-open as it ever was.

By "Write Your Own Tools", I don't mean you should re-write the entire history of computing from scratch. It's completely fine to re-use graphics layers (HTML), programming languages (Python, Javascript), frameworks (Sanic, Astro, SolidJS), operating systems (Linux), filesystems (ext4), network stacks (TCP/IP), chipsets (x86_64), etc. (all these parentheticals are things I'm using to host my blog, after all :P). What I mean is, if there's something you want to do with a computer, and it's not already being done in a free & open manner, you can just... do it yourself. You can program! Programming is fun! It looks good on a resume too!

Even if it's already being done by someone else, writing your own tools forces you to learn, which is almost always a good thing. The end result may not be the most polished thing in the world, it might even be the jankiest, but gosh darn it, you made it, you know how to fix it, you can make it better. This is empowering. Hold onto this feeling, cherish it, this is what computers are actually about.

Cohost's (impending) death had me re-evaluating my standing with respect to a lot of things (social media, online presence, social sphere), and this was one of the thoughts that came out & I felt strongly enough to write down. I wrote this in my own post composer, created exactly so I can publish to my blog (which you're reading now, hi!!) from my phone. I'll be reposting my favorite chosts here once I get them downloaded. Until next time!

• The key words "MUST", "MUST NOT", "SHOULD", "SHOULD NOT", and "MAY", when in all-caps, are to be interpreted as described in RFC 2119, both in this document and in all documents written to this style guide.
• punctuation SHOULD go outside the boundaries of a link's text.
• in general, commas are for pauses in speech, so no hard & fast rule on the oxford comma, though it is preferred. you should consider breaking up a sentence if it becomes too run-on, however.
• groupings of nouns SHOULD use "&", and concatenation of sentences SHOULD use "and".
• if a grouping is joined by "/", it is as if all options are being read in parallel.
• in any grouping, each option MUST be grammatically correct if read alone.
• the spelling changes though -> tho & through -> thru MUST be used. i am pushing these thru by force.
• "thorough" is not a real word and SHOULD NOT be used.
• quotation marks MUST contain only the punctuation of the quoted sentence; no more, no less.
• "" (non-curly quotes) are the only acceptable quotation marks; other options like «» (french), „“ (german), or “” (curly) MUST NOT be used, unless explicitly present in quoted text.
• similarly, ' (non-curly apostrophe) is the only acceptable apostrophe.
• if the source of some word comes directly from code, you SHOULD surround it in `backticks`, even if there is no markdown renderer.
• capital letters for Proper Nouns à la old(er) english, for Technical Terminology, or Just For Emphasis are all valid. if writing in paragraphs of text, one MAY capitalize the first letter of each sentence to improve readability.
• the use of semicolons is encouraged! semicolons separate sentences that are related enough for a period to seem a bit awkward, but not so related that a comma would work better; this is why the semicolon is comprised of both a period and a comma, you see.
• "and/or" MUST NOT be used. "or" as a joiner is always inclusive, unless the list is preceded by "either".
• latin-isms like "e.g.", "i.e.", and "ex." SHOULD be avoided, because I cannot tell the difference between them. "etc." is the only acceptable one, and it MUST appear in shortened form, always including the period.
• hyphens SHOULD be used to indicate you are:
  • making up a word on-the-spot (see above).
  • using some pre-existing phrase (see above).
  • to avoid umlauts (see above).
• parentheticals MAY be full sentences. if a paranthetical is a full sentence, the parenthesis MUST enclose the sentence exactly, including ending punctuation. otherwise, the parenthesis SHOULD come before the ending punctuation of the containing sentence. (this rule clearly delineates the two types of parentheticals.)
• y'all MUST use "y'all" for 2nd person plural.
• possessives' apostrophes MUST have the apostrophe after the s when plural, where applicable.
• if the source of some word has diacritical marks, you MUST keep them (see blåhaj).
• use _underscores_ for emphasis, and *stars* for action descriptions, even if there is no markdown renderer, and even if markdown itself just makes both into italics.
• acceptable emoji outside of short-form texts (use sparingly): 😤😔
  • on co host dot org, all eggbug emoji are also acceptable.
• emoticons are more often accepted. :) & :P are most common.
• always refer to Cohost as co host dot org.
• remember to have fun!

Great question! TL;DR: deep lunges ~8min each as the main focus, with {side splits, wide stance bend-over, cross-legged bend-over, calf stretches, single-leg reaches} for ~2min each if I'm feeling up for more. If those words don't mean anything to you, keep reading! I made diagrams!

¹ My routine is very cobbled-together and unscientific. I took most of my inspiration from when my sister (who does ballet) led me through a shortened version of her routine. From that, I took mostly the ones I could do without much warmup and added in a few from sports practices. The end result is something targeted specifically to address imbalances from too much running and sitting. I haven't made much progress in flexibility in a while so ymmv, but I can touch my toes so it'll prob get u there at the very least.

Do note, however, that because of the nature of the things I want to stretch, these are all lower-body ones, no upper-body. So if you're looking for that, sorry, I need to figure out a better routine myself before giving any advice.

General Stretching Advice

Like with any physical activity, stretching is a conversation with your body! It is important to really pay attention to how things feel and back off if things start to hurt in bad ways. It is also important to learn to distinguish between "good hurting" and "bad hurting". It's hard for me to describe beyond that through text, sort of a "you know it when you feel it" sort of thing. "Good hurting" is like the soreness you get from a deep stretch or workout, "bad hurting" is when you injure yourself doing those things. It's sometimes a fine line in terms of what activities will cause what sensation, especially when pushing your limits, but the sensations themselves are very distinct I promise!!

Deep Lunges

Before getting into the rest of the stretches, I should probably explain something about the images I've included. In green, I've highlighted parts of my body that should be feeling the stretch, and in red, I've highlighted parts that should not be the focus of the stretch. In this case, we see that the hip flexors and upper hamstring/lower glute are the focus. The goal is eventually to get your elbows on the ground, but you should not be twisting or rounding your back too much in order to do so². I've also included arrows on the "direction" of the stretch, that is, what part of your body should be moving lower in order to make the stretch deeper. In this case, getting your hips closer to the ground is the goal.

These are my favorite stretch and I just love how my legs feel afterwards. I do it for the longest because the position is fairly stable, and I can really feel the muscles open up as time goes on. Something about the upper hamstring and especially the opening of the hip flexor just feels really nice... and boy howdy do my hip flexors need it from sitting all day³.

Side Splits

I started doing this on a whim and I've actually seen the most improvement here! I've been able to move my feet a solid couple inches farther than when I started. These can be potentially dangerous because your full bodyweight is on the tendons in a way that is hard to back out of without activating those same tendons, creating a risk for tears. I always use my hands to push myself up first, and then slowly shuffle my feet together until I'm out of the stretch.

Wide Stance Bend-Over

a.k.a "The Jack-O Crouch". As you can see pictured, I am not nearly as flexible as that character, but this is a good stretch regardless. The focus should definitely be on keeping your back flat throughout. The goal is to stretch your hamstrings here, not your upper back (a bit of lower back stretch is unavoidable). The mental image should be rotating your hips. If you're like me, and your hips aren't very flexible, you might be surprised at how little they can rotate! This is ok, and means you have lots of room for improvement. My eventual goal is go below 90 degrees but oh boy my sitting legs r not up 2 task; my lower hamstrings are very tight.

Cross-Legged Bend-Over

Variant of the previous stretch, targeting a different part of your hamstring than before. I'm not entirely sure myself if the stretch is more on the front crossed leg or the back, both are stretched, alternating between is probably fine. Remember to still keep your back flat! I usually don't go as low on these compared to the wide stance ones.

Calf Stretches

I got a mean calf cramp once, so this made it into my routine. I also usually combine these with a standing lunge (in cyan) to target hip flexors again, since they're basically the same foot position just with different hip rotations. The other cyan is an option to stretch the front of your opposite foot. Make sure to do these in shoes or on a sticky exercise mat so your feet don't slip!

Single-Leg Reaches

A classic, I think everyone had to do this in middle school for fitness tests or something?? Anyways this was the one fitness test i failed (: and I'm still working on it to this day. I usually do these flat with one leg butterfly-ed (as shown in this image that I drew previously).

Other Stretches That Are Nice

... but I didn't have room to include since I don't do them too regularly and this post is as long enough as it is:

• Butterfly
• Single-Leg Quad
• Single-Leg Sits
• World's Greatest
• Front Split Reaches And more upper body ones that, again, I'm neglecting to mention.

That's about it, now, go stretch!! & drink some water, it'll make u feel better!! Physicality affecting emotions is real, and stretching is a good meditative/mindfulness thing, for me at least. thank u for allowing me 2 share my niche interest :)

so um you may know about my previous post where i explored the trans question, and TL;DR it came down to "PolyWolf is and has always been a girl and also I've enjoyed 'acting' as her" vs "well but like i don't want to actually like be a girl haha that would be crazy".

This situation has predictably resolved itself in favor of the former option. In fact, I have new and improved refutations for all the reasons I thought I may have not been trans:

"I didn't think about this when I was younger"

Turns out it's not a universal trans experience to have dysphoria as a child? These are the cases I heard about in media and from the 1 irl trans friend I know so it's understandable how I was confused on this point.

It's possible (but maybe still a stretch?) to recontextualize some of the "mild body image issues" I had before thinking about trans as weak signals. Mostly weird feelings about receeding hairline and body hair but again I figured these could be something related more to toxic masculinity and beauty standards.

"Femme presentation doesn't appeal to me"

Doesn't need to. Turns out it's possible to be a girl and not want to wear dresses and makeup wow shocking. It's almost like some cis girls have those desires too, crazy right (these sentences r dripping with sarcasm directed at my previous self).

"Male body has advantages athletically"

I can just. Keep working out. Yes HRT may reduce muscle mass and buildup but like that doesn't change the main appeals of working out for me? I'm fit enough for exercise to be fun rather than a chore, and this aspect of my identity can remain with no issues whatsoever.

"Male body has advatages socially"

Yes, it sure does. Irrelevant info as to whether or not I am trans, only relevant so far as to decisions regarding transition.

"I don't like drugs"

See above, and also consider that drugs aren't necessary for many aspects of transitioning! It'd sure be nice to not be so hesitant about it tho...

When coming to these conclusions, I took a different strategy than before. Instead if assuming I was cis and trying to prove beyond a shadow of a doubt that I'm trans, I assumed, hypothetically, that I was trans, and because there would be just so many things ahead of me to think about in regards to transition, I should try to come up with reasons why I'm cis becauae that would take a lot off my plate. Cross-checking those reasons from a trans perspective, however, yielded this, so um I guess I'm living that hypothetical now.

What Comes Next?

Here's my list in rough order of priority:

• Voice Training (so i can get on VC as PolyWolf)
• Waist Training
• Body Hair Removal (I'd like it gone regardless, probably waxing idk)
• Sperm Freezing
• (Below items probably after I graduate college and move somewhere more permanent)
• Facial Hair Removal (If not trans, less sure about this one. Probably w/ lazers)
• HRT (the kind that gets u big boobs. i want those gazonkers. i am not aware of the downsides)

It may surprise some that waist training is so high. It's actually something that seems pretty exciting but idk we'll see. Voice training has already started btw but it's tough and will probably take a while before I achieve the voice in my head¹.

Notice some things conspicuously missing:

• New Clothes
• Makeup
• Nails
• Social Transition

that's right. ima boymode. i actually would like to avoid these things for as long as i can here's hoping

Anyways, thanks for taking the time to read this, it's a big decision for me to come out semi-privately like this even. Thanks for understanding!!

With some more time to just relax over Winter Break, I'm spending a bit of it thinking about personal identity. What I'm hoping is that, by writing some of these thoughts down, I can organize them and get a better understanding. Unfortunately for you, you get to read these thoughts too.

One interesting thing of note is that I've already posted about this before on my LegalName¹ blog, calling PolyWolf my "online presence". I didn't go into too much more detail than that, so that's what this post will focus on: PolyWolf.

Where Do I Exist?

This seems like a silly question, but is actually one I'm having a bit of trouble answering and whose answer will have ramifications on the answers to other basic questions.

Option 1: PolyWolf is a concept

That is to say, PolyWolf only exists as a fictional character. Thus, it's not PolyWolf herself typing these words, but rather the person "playing" PolyWolf in some sense.

This was the initial conception, but that boundary has been muddied and I'm not sure this option would be true anymore.

Option 2: PolyWolf is a headmate

I think this is the right systems/plural terminology. This would mean there are both LegalName and PolyWolf thought processes in the same brain, and sometimes PolyWolf is able to have an influence on the real world. This split would likely be due to spending so much time in Option 1. However, I am hesitant to label it this way since I don't think I have quite the same "fronting" experience as other systems I've talked to. It more feels like PolyWolf is just another expression of the same self.

Option 3: I Am PolyWolf

That is, "acting like PolyWolf" is just how I actually want to act, unburdened thanks to online anonymity. The case for this is bolstered by the fact that I usually act that way with close friends too.

Thanks to an interesting combination of the following circumstances:

a) my Discord username is PolyWolf b) i chose not to use real name in any college Discord server² c) i made most of my college friends via Discord

I ended up in a situation where I am just known to some people as PolyWolf. It was a very interesting experience to be called that IRL, not sure how to describe it but it was good I think?

Option 4: PolyWolf is a way that I act

It's a bit nuanced in how this is distinct from all the other options. I think this is the best way to describe how PolyWolf is more than just a concept, not a separate consciousness, and not completely who I am.

Basically, you know how we all act different when we are with different groups? Like with family vs close friends vs other friends vs work vs online? I think I am just very aware of those distinctions³ and happened to give a name to some of those.⁴

Ok so we've deduced that, at the time of this writing, Option 4 is most likely to describe my current existence. It's just, there's still one snag,,,

Gender

Here's where it gets tricky. Let's go through all the different options, shall we?

now i know what ur thinking. this is a very silly table. how could that last box possibly be ????

Well, see, IRL I'm AMAB, and I'm not sure whether I actually want to be a girl physically!

Am I Trans?

Arguments against:

• I didn't even think about this when I was younger
  • I've been told this isn't a strong argument; lots of people don't until they start really grasping the effects of puberty/aging/relationships
• femme presentation doesn't appeal to me
  • Also a weak argument
• I quite enjoy the benefits of a male body; there's a lot going for it athletically and there's less discrimination
  • Sure, but also that last one is very problematic

Arguments for:

• "Would u press a button that would instantly turn u into PolyWolf if there were no negative reprecussions" yes
  • See but the thing is, there are always reprecussions, and transitioning doesn't seem likely to fully realize PolyWolf
• "Would u rather like girls in a gay way" yes
  • Although this could just be due to gender norms
• something you'll have 2 check my AD for (later, after I post this)

Extra facts:

• I have a hard "no drugs" stance⁵, so HRT is a little scary to think about
• Very mild body image issues "but who doesn't have that"
  • I've been told this is almost too powerful of a rationalization, and reading something recently about how you generally should be somewhat comfortable with yourself in a mirror⁶
• I don't like either of the gender norms

So basically, I still don't know. The strongest evidence for is the AD stuff and the strongest evidence against is the fact that I still sometimes feel like and enjoy being LegalName who does have guy gender.

Am I Enby?

So based on all of the above, with trans potentially not being a good enough fit, the next possibility to consider is being nonbinary. While I actually think this would fit LegalName quite well⁷, it doesn't really feel right for PolyWolf, ya know? There's that silly table, after all.

Still, maybe this is the best way to describe Option 4, where I "act like a girl" sometimes and like a guy other times. Or maybe I really am just trans and in denial :p

Anyways that's all for now, let me know in the comments if any of this resonates with you, I'd love to hear about it and know that I'm not alone in this. Also thanks to @lft and @Gabriella439 and two anonymous friends for helping proofread this and provide preliminary feedback, this piece would be much worse without it.